Obama & the Canadian PM

President Obama and the Canadian PM are shown a time machine which can see 50 years into the future. They both decide to test it by asking a question each.

President Obama goes first: "What will the USA be like in 50 years’ time?"

The machine whirls and beeps and goes into action and gives him a printout, he reads it out: "The country is in good hands under the new president, José Fernandez.... crime is non-existent, there is no conflict, the economy is healthy. Vice President Jin Tao has declared Chinese language mandatory in all USA schools There are no worries."

The Canadian PM thinks, "It's not bad, this time machine, I'll have a bit of that" so he asks: "What will Canada be like in 50 years’ time?"

The machine whirls and beeps and goes into action, and he gets a printout. But he just stares at it.

"Come on, Mr. Harper," says Obama, "Tell us what it says."

"I can't! It's all in Punjabi!"

Management Stories

Story # 1

It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave,
lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.
Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"
Fox: "Hmm... But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even more."
Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"
Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches"
Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"
The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself. Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.

Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"
Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV

Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"
The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.

Scene :
Inside the lion's cave. In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent
looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.


Moral :
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.

Management Lesson in the context of the working world :
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOMEONE UNDESERVED IS PROMOTED; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES



Story # 2
It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.

Fox: "What are you working on?"
Rabbit: "My thesis."
Fox: "Hmm... What is it about?"
Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."
Fox: "That's ridiculous ! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes!
Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"
They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing.
Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.
Wolf: "What's that you are writing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."
Wolf: "you don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"
Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"
The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing. Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doing?

Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears."
Bear: "Well that's absurd ! "
Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you"
Scene : As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.

Moral:
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SILLY YOUR THESIS TOPIC IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHOM YOU HAVE AS A SUPERVISOR.

Management Lesson in the context of the working world:
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BAD YOUR PERFORMANCE IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHETHER YOUR BOSS LIKES YOU OR NOT

A Smart Indian!!!

An Indian man walks into the New York City bank and asks for the loan officer.

He... tells the Loan Officer that he was going to India for some business for 2 weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The Loan Officer tells him that the bank will need
Some form of security for the loan.

So the Indian man hands over the keys and the documents of the new Ferrari car parked on the street in front of the bank.

The loan officer consults the president of the bank,
Produces all the required items and everything check out to be OK.

The loan officer agrees to accept the car as a security for the loan.

The bank president and the Loan Officer had a good laugh at the Indian
For keeping a $750,000 Ferrari as a security and taking only $5,000 has a loan.

An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari
Into the banks underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later the Indian returns and pays $5000 and the interest which comes to it $15.41.

Seeing this, loan officer says,

“Sir, we are very happy to have your business
And this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you are away, we checked you out and
Found out that you were a multi millionaire.

What puzzled us was why would you bother to borrow $5000?”

The Indian replies
"Where else in the New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks and
For only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return".

Sorry, Wrong Number

An American man on a business trip thinks of calling his wife. He dials his residence number from the hotel phone.

American man: Hello!
Reply: Hello!
American man smirks as it is an unfamiliar male Voice. He asks: Who's this?
Reply: Sir, I'm servant of this house!

American man: (Surprised!) Where did you come from?
Servant: Madam kept me here, yesterday.

American man: Ok, go and call madam!
Servant: She's sleeping with sir and told me not to disturb.

American man turns red and wild with anger. He screams into the phone, "Listen you bloody servant, listen to me. I'm the real owner of the house you're standing in".
Servant: Then who's the one here?
American man: Not sure who that f**king b@st@rd is. Do one thing for me and I'll pay you $50,000 once I'm back. Go and get the gun which is hanging in the drawing room.

After a few seconds servant is back...

Servant: Sir, I got the gun!
American man: And just around there in the drawers should be the bullets, take them and load into the gun.

After a minute...

Servant: It's ready now.
American man: Good! Now get into the room and shoot both of them.

After a minute...

Servant: Sir, I shot both of them, what do I do with the dead bodies?
American man: Just dig a hole into the garden and bury both of them in it.

Servant: Paused for a min! This is the 50th floor, there's no garden here!

American man: Paused for a min! Ooooops, sorry - wrong number!

At a doctor's clinic

One morning at a doctor's surgery a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him "OK, what happened to your back?"

The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him,That's how I strained my back"

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible.What the hell happened to you?"

He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do. The doctor is shocked.

Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.... .?"

"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"

Why Indian Students are hated by the Americans ?

Why Indian Students are hated by the Americans ?


It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.



The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"



She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:?'Patrick Henry, 1775'he said.



'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?''



Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln , 1863' said Chandrasekhar.



The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about our history than you do.'



She heard a loud whisper: 'F ___ the Indians,' 'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. 'General Custer, 1862.'



At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'



The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?' Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'



Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'



Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky,1997'



Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.' Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, 'Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004.'



The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!' And Chandrasekhar said quietly, 'I think it was Lehmann Brothers, November 4th, 2008'.

MANAGEMENT LESSON FROM PATHAN

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well. At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a Pathan got on. Six feet four, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the conductor and said, "Pathan doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back. Conductor didn't argue with Pathan, but he wasn't happy about it. The next day the same thing happened – Pathan got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the next..

This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Pathan was taking advantage of the poor conductor. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff.

By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself. So, on the next Monday, when Pathan once again got on the bus and said, "Pathan doesn't pay!"

The driver stood up, glared back at Pathan, and screamed, "And why not?"

With a surprised look on his face, Pathan replied, "Pathan has a bus pass."

Management Lesson: Be sure there is a problem in the first place before working hard to solve one.

When Opportunity knock!!!

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money. Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks,' Did you see me rob this bank? 'The man replied, 'Yes sir, I did.' The robber then shot him and killed him instantly. He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, 'Did you see me rob this bank?' The man replied, 'No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!'


Moral of the story- When Opportunity knocks.... MAKE USE OF IT.

Vikramaditya's Judgment

Vikramaditya's Judgment

Once there lived an old and pious man, renowned for his honesty. One day his neighbor, a rich merchant comes to him with a request. The merchant was leaving on a voyage and wants the old man to safeguard his wealth, until his return. The old man agrees and with God as witness promises to protect and safeguard the merchant’s wealth.

The old man then entrusts the safe keep of the merchant’s wealth to his son, from whom he takes an oath of propriety and honesty. Slowly the son starts dipping into the merchants wealth, people notice this and warn the old man of the son’s misdeeds. The old man calls his son asks him to explain, he also reminds him of his oath on following the right path. The son rubbishes the accusations as rumors and the idle gossip of jealous people, who could not bear to see his prosperity. The old man accepts the son’s explanation and things go on as before.

The merchant returns and demands his wealth. The old man calls his son, who hands over a quarter of the merchant’s wealth saying that is all there was. The merchant realizing that he has been cheated approaches the King. The King listens to the merchant’s complaint and summons the old man. The old man comes to the court with his son and handing him over to the King says “your majesty, the merchant is right. My son has confessed to the crime. Please punish him.”

The king has the son flogged and imprisoned. He then praises the old mans honesty and dismisses the case. But the merchant demands punishment for the old man saying, “I have still not received justice. I had entrusted my wealth to the old man which he swore by God to safeguard. The old man’s integrity is intact, but what of me, I have been robbed of my life’s savings, and made a pauper. It was the old man’s decision to entrust my wealth to his son for safe keeping that has caused this loss. As far as I am concerned the old man is the real culprit, and should be punished.

The king is astounded by this demand. The old man, was neither a party to the theft nor did he benefit from it. In fact, he had sent his son to jail. Yet, the merchant was asking for the old man’s punishment.

The Betal asks Vikramaditya, “What should be the Kings decision.”

Vikramaditya’s replies, “Though the old man is innocent of the actual theft, he is guilty of dereliction of duty. The son’s crime was a straight forward one, the old man’s was a graver crime. He did nothing to protect the merchant’s wealth. Far from being vigilant he failed to take action even when he was warned of his son’s misdeeds. Because of his laxity the merchant is condemned to a life of penury. He should be punished.”

NOW TRY TO SEE THE HAPPENINGS IN INDIA & 2G SCAM IN LIGHT OF THE ABOVE STORY:

India 2010, Dr. Manmohan Singh, esteemed economist, former Governor of RBI, Deputy Chairman of Planning Commission, former Finance Minister, a man whose personal ethics and integrity are unblemished, takes oath to protect and safeguard the Nation and its assets. He appoints Raja, as his Cabinet Minister for IT & Telecom.

Unlike the story, this heist of a precious national asset is carried out in full view of Dr. Manmohan Singh and his cabinet colleagues. Newspapers across the country cry out at this outrage in front page headlines.

The Indian Constitution grants the Prime Minister absolute power in running the country. He is the head of the Government and the Union Cabinet functions at his pleasure. As per the Transaction of Business Rules the Prime Minister has the unrestricted right to demand and get any file, any record from any Ministry. Dr. Man Mohan Singh could have at any time stopped this heist of a National asset, yet he chose to remain silent. The Minister’s failure to exercise his constitutional rights has caused irreparable loss to the Nation.

Dr. Singh did not profit personally from Raja’s shenigans, but his failure to act, to honor the oath of office, to protect and safeguard the nation and its wealth is unforgivable. Like the old man, he has sacked Raja from his ministerial berth, but does his culpability end there.

The people of India had entrusted their faith and the future of the Nation in Dr. Manmohan Singh, believing him to be a man of integrity and honesty, and not to Raja. Does dismissing Raja absolve Dr. Singh or like the old man is he guilty of dereliction of duty and failure to safeguard the Nation and its citizens. Does he deserve punishment?*who can decide here?.....

JUDGE YOURSELF! YOU ARE YOUR BEST JUDGE!!!

Once upon a time there was a painter who had just completed his course. He took 3 days and painted beautiful scenery. He wanted people's opinion about his caliber and painting skills.

He put his creation at a busy street-crossing. And just down below aboard which read – “I have painted this piece. Since I'm new to this profession I might have committed some mistakes in my strokes etc. Please put a cross wherever you see a mistake.”

While he came back in the evening to collect his painting he was completely shattered to see that whole canvass was filled with Xs (crosses) and some people had even written their comments on the painting.

Disheartened and broken completely he ran to his master's place and burst into tears. This young artist was breathing heavily and master heard him saying “I'm useless and if this is what I have learnt to paint I'm not worth becoming a painter. People have rejected me completely. I feel like dying”

Master smiled and suggested “My Son, I will prove that you are a great artist and have learnt flawless painting. Do as I say without questioning it. It WILL work.”

Young artist reluctantly agreed and two days later early morning he presented a replica of his earlier painting to his master. Master took that gracefully and smiled.

“Come with me.” master said.

They reached the same street-square early morning and displayed the same painting exactly at the same place. Now master took out another board which read –“Gentlemen, I have painted this piece. Since I'm new to this profession I might have committed some mistakes in my strokesetc. I have put a box with colors and brushes just below. Please do a favor. If you see a mistake, kindly pick up the brush and correct it.”

Master and disciple walked back home.

They both visited the place same evening. Young painter was surprised to see that actually there was not a single correction done so far. Next day again they visited and found painting remained untouched. They say the painting was kept there for a month for no correction came in!

Moral:
It is easier to criticize, but DIFFICULT TO IMPROVE!

There are lot of people around us who just wait for an opportunity to critics us. Don't get carried away or judge yourself by someone else’s criticism and feel depressed. Be Yourself.

NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IN THE WORLD

An old man lived alone in his farm house. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work.
His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation.

Dear Son,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother always loved planting time. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.
Love, Dad

Shortly, the old man received this telegram:
"For Heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up the garden!! That's where I buried the GUNS!!"

At 4 a.m. the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden! without finding any guns. Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened,
and asked him what to do next.

His son's reply was: " Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do for you from here."

Moral: No matter where you are in the world, if you have decided to do something deep from your heart you can do it. It is the thought that matters not where you are or where the person is.