President Obama and the Canadian PM are shown a time machine which can see 50 years into the future. They both decide to test it by asking a question each.
President Obama goes first: "What will the USA be like in 50 years’ time?"
The machine whirls and beeps and goes into action and gives him a printout, he reads it out: "The country is in good hands under the new president, José Fernandez.... crime is non-existent, there is no conflict, the economy is healthy. Vice President Jin Tao has declared Chinese language mandatory in all USA schools There are no worries."
The Canadian PM thinks, "It's not bad, this time machine, I'll have a bit of that" so he asks: "What will Canada be like in 50 years’ time?"
The machine whirls and beeps and goes into action, and he gets a printout. But he just stares at it.
"Come on, Mr. Harper," says Obama, "Tell us what it says."
"I can't! It's all in Punjabi!"
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Management Stories
Story # 1
It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave,
lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.
Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"
Fox: "Hmm... But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even more."
Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"
Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches"
Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"
The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself. Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.
Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"
Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV
Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"
The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.
Scene :
Inside the lion's cave. In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent
looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.
Moral :
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.
Management Lesson in the context of the working world :
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOMEONE UNDESERVED IS PROMOTED; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES
Story # 2
It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.
Fox: "What are you working on?"
Rabbit: "My thesis."
Fox: "Hmm... What is it about?"
Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."
Fox: "That's ridiculous ! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes!
Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"
They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing.
Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.
Wolf: "What's that you are writing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."
Wolf: "you don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"
Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"
The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing. Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doing?
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears."
Bear: "Well that's absurd ! "
Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you"
Scene : As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.
Moral:
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SILLY YOUR THESIS TOPIC IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHOM YOU HAVE AS A SUPERVISOR.
Management Lesson in the context of the working world:
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BAD YOUR PERFORMANCE IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHETHER YOUR BOSS LIKES YOU OR NOT
It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave,
lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.
Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"
Fox: "Hmm... But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even more."
Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"
Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches"
Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"
The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself. Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.
Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"
Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV
Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"
The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.
Scene :
Inside the lion's cave. In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent
looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.
Moral :
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.
Management Lesson in the context of the working world :
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOMEONE UNDESERVED IS PROMOTED; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES
Story # 2
It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.
Fox: "What are you working on?"
Rabbit: "My thesis."
Fox: "Hmm... What is it about?"
Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."
Fox: "That's ridiculous ! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes!
Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"
They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing.
Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.
Wolf: "What's that you are writing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."
Wolf: "you don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"
Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"
The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing. Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doing?
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears."
Bear: "Well that's absurd ! "
Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you"
Scene : As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.
Moral:
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SILLY YOUR THESIS TOPIC IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHOM YOU HAVE AS A SUPERVISOR.
Management Lesson in the context of the working world:
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BAD YOUR PERFORMANCE IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHETHER YOUR BOSS LIKES YOU OR NOT
Sunday, May 22, 2011
A Smart Indian!!!
An Indian man walks into the New York City bank and asks for the loan officer.
He... tells the Loan Officer that he was going to India for some business for 2 weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The Loan Officer tells him that the bank will need
Some form of security for the loan.
So the Indian man hands over the keys and the documents of the new Ferrari car parked on the street in front of the bank.
The loan officer consults the president of the bank,
Produces all the required items and everything check out to be OK.
The loan officer agrees to accept the car as a security for the loan.
The bank president and the Loan Officer had a good laugh at the Indian
For keeping a $750,000 Ferrari as a security and taking only $5,000 has a loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari
Into the banks underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later the Indian returns and pays $5000 and the interest which comes to it $15.41.
Seeing this, loan officer says,
“Sir, we are very happy to have your business
And this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you are away, we checked you out and
Found out that you were a multi millionaire.
What puzzled us was why would you bother to borrow $5000?”
The Indian replies
"Where else in the New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks and
For only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return".
He... tells the Loan Officer that he was going to India for some business for 2 weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The Loan Officer tells him that the bank will need
Some form of security for the loan.
So the Indian man hands over the keys and the documents of the new Ferrari car parked on the street in front of the bank.
The loan officer consults the president of the bank,
Produces all the required items and everything check out to be OK.
The loan officer agrees to accept the car as a security for the loan.
The bank president and the Loan Officer had a good laugh at the Indian
For keeping a $750,000 Ferrari as a security and taking only $5,000 has a loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari
Into the banks underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later the Indian returns and pays $5000 and the interest which comes to it $15.41.
Seeing this, loan officer says,
“Sir, we are very happy to have your business
And this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you are away, we checked you out and
Found out that you were a multi millionaire.
What puzzled us was why would you bother to borrow $5000?”
The Indian replies
"Where else in the New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks and
For only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return".
Sorry, Wrong Number
An American man on a business trip thinks of calling his wife. He dials his residence number from the hotel phone.
American man: Hello!
Reply: Hello!
American man smirks as it is an unfamiliar male Voice. He asks: Who's this?
Reply: Sir, I'm servant of this house!
American man: (Surprised!) Where did you come from?
Servant: Madam kept me here, yesterday.
American man: Ok, go and call madam!
Servant: She's sleeping with sir and told me not to disturb.
American man turns red and wild with anger. He screams into the phone, "Listen you bloody servant, listen to me. I'm the real owner of the house you're standing in".
Servant: Then who's the one here?
American man: Not sure who that f**king b@st@rd is. Do one thing for me and I'll pay you $50,000 once I'm back. Go and get the gun which is hanging in the drawing room.
After a few seconds servant is back...
Servant: Sir, I got the gun!
American man: And just around there in the drawers should be the bullets, take them and load into the gun.
After a minute...
Servant: It's ready now.
American man: Good! Now get into the room and shoot both of them.
After a minute...
Servant: Sir, I shot both of them, what do I do with the dead bodies?
American man: Just dig a hole into the garden and bury both of them in it.
Servant: Paused for a min! This is the 50th floor, there's no garden here!
American man: Paused for a min! Ooooops, sorry - wrong number!
Thursday, May 5, 2011
At a doctor's clinic
One morning at a doctor's surgery a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him "OK, what happened to your back?"
The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him,That's how I strained my back"
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible.What the hell happened to you?"
He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."
The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do. The doctor is shocked.
Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.... .?"
"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"
The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him,That's how I strained my back"
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible.What the hell happened to you?"
He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."
The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do. The doctor is shocked.
Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.... .?"
"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Why Indian Students are hated by the Americans ?
Why Indian Students are hated by the Americans ?
It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:?'Patrick Henry, 1775'he said.
'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?''
Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln , 1863' said Chandrasekhar.
The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about our history than you do.'
She heard a loud whisper: 'F ___ the Indians,' 'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. 'General Custer, 1862.'
At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'
The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?' Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'
Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'
Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky,1997'
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.' Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, 'Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004.'
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!' And Chandrasekhar said quietly, 'I think it was Lehmann Brothers, November 4th, 2008'.
It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:?'Patrick Henry, 1775'he said.
'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?''
Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln , 1863' said Chandrasekhar.
The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about our history than you do.'
She heard a loud whisper: 'F ___ the Indians,' 'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. 'General Custer, 1862.'
At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'
The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?' Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'
Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'
Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky,1997'
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.' Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, 'Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004.'
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!' And Chandrasekhar said quietly, 'I think it was Lehmann Brothers, November 4th, 2008'.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
MANAGEMENT LESSON FROM PATHAN
| One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well. |
This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Pathan was taking advantage of the poor conductor. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff.
By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself. So, on the next Monday, when Pathan once again got on the bus and said, "Pathan doesn't pay!"
The driver stood up, glared back at Pathan, and screamed, "And why not?"
With a surprised look on his face, Pathan replied, "Pathan has a bus pass."
Management Lesson: Be sure there is a problem in the first place before working hard to solve one.
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