This lady is having a bed wetting problem, so she decides to go to the doctor. The doctor tells her to go and get undressed and wait for him in the other room.
When the doctor goes into the room he tells the lady to stand on her head facing the mirror. She figures he is a doctor and gets in front of the mirror. The doctor goes over to the lady and rests his chin between her legs and looks in the mirror.
After a few minutes he stands up and tells the lady to go ahead and put her clothes back on and he will talk to her when she is dressed. The lady puts her clothes on and asks the doctor what is wrong with her.
He tells her that she needs to quit drinking before she goes to bed. The lady asks the doctor why he had her get naked in front of the mirror and stand on her head.
He replies, "I wanted to see how I would look with a beard."
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
Man's Viagra ( Hot Joke )
This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, "I'll be home in an hour."
"Perfect," she replies.
The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He takes the Viagra and waits.
An hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no wife . . .
She calls him on the phone and she says, "Traffic is terrible. I won't be there for about an hour and a half."
The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice. "What should I do?" he asks.
The Doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have a housekeeper around?"
"Yes" the man replied.
"Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?" said the Doctor.
The man then replied with dismay...
"But I don't need Viagra with the housekeeper. .."
"Perfect," she replies.
The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He takes the Viagra and waits.
An hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no wife . . .
She calls him on the phone and she says, "Traffic is terrible. I won't be there for about an hour and a half."
The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice. "What should I do?" he asks.
The Doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have a housekeeper around?"
"Yes" the man replied.
"Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?" said the Doctor.
The man then replied with dismay...
"But I don't need Viagra with the housekeeper. .."
Easy to remain young.Twist your knob
A woman visited a plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,'
Where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift.
Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.' Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant. After fifteen
Years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results.
But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.' The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those
Are your breasts.' She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee.
Where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift.
Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.' Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant. After fifteen
Years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results.
But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.' The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those
Are your breasts.' She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
( Naughty Jokes ) Bug Spray
A salesman was traveling through the country side, flogging insect repellent. He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer.
"Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again. I guarantee it."
The farmer was dubious.
"Young man, I'll make you a proposition. I'll tie you out in my cornfield buck naked, covered with that bug spray. If there is not a single bite on you come morning, I'll buy a whole case from you. And get everyone in the county to buy a case......we will make you rich.
The salesman was delighted.
They went to the field and he stripped. The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake. Back to the house went the farmer. The next morning, the farmer and his family trooped out to the cornfield. Sure enough, the salesman was there, hanging in his bonds, not a single bite on him. Yet he was a total wreck!
Pale, ghastly, haggard, and drawn, but not one bite on him. The farmer was perplexed.
"Son," he said, "Now, you don't have a bite on you but you look like hell! What the devil happened?" The salesman looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked,
"Doesn't that calf have a mother?
"Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again. I guarantee it."
The farmer was dubious.
"Young man, I'll make you a proposition. I'll tie you out in my cornfield buck naked, covered with that bug spray. If there is not a single bite on you come morning, I'll buy a whole case from you. And get everyone in the county to buy a case......we will make you rich.
The salesman was delighted.
They went to the field and he stripped. The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake. Back to the house went the farmer. The next morning, the farmer and his family trooped out to the cornfield. Sure enough, the salesman was there, hanging in his bonds, not a single bite on him. Yet he was a total wreck!
Pale, ghastly, haggard, and drawn, but not one bite on him. The farmer was perplexed.
"Son," he said, "Now, you don't have a bite on you but you look like hell! What the devil happened?" The salesman looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked,
"Doesn't that calf have a mother?
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Learn to Shut up! ( Naughty Joke )
TWENTY DOLLARS
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate down sizing, and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another job.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly$1 million.
Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million.
She explained that she had 'charged' him for sex, and these were the results of her savings and investments.
The husband was so astounded he could barely speak. Finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have had sex only with you.'
That's when she shot him.
You know, that's what happens when you don't know when to keep your mouth shut...!!
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate down sizing, and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another job.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly$1 million.
Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million.
She explained that she had 'charged' him for sex, and these were the results of her savings and investments.
The husband was so astounded he could barely speak. Finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have had sex only with you.'
That's when she shot him.
You know, that's what happens when you don't know when to keep your mouth shut...!!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Sexy Secretary!
Two law partners hire a sexy, young secretary, and though they're both already married, they agree to see who can score with her first.
Eventually, one of them scores with her, and his partner is quite eager to hear how things went.
"So, what did you think?" asks the partner.
"Ah," replies the first partner, "my wife is better."
Some time goes by, and then the second lawyer goes to bed with the young secretary.
"So," asks the first partner, "what did you think?"
The second partner replies, "You're right... Your wife is better."
Eventually, one of them scores with her, and his partner is quite eager to hear how things went.
"So, what did you think?" asks the partner.
"Ah," replies the first partner, "my wife is better."
Some time goes by, and then the second lawyer goes to bed with the young secretary.
"So," asks the first partner, "what did you think?"
The second partner replies, "You're right... Your wife is better."
What is Sex?
A kid goes up to his father and asks, "Dad what is sex?"
His dad was afraid of this day for a while so he told his son to ask his grandmother.
He goes to his grandmother, who's husband has been gone for a long time now and asks, "Grammy, what is sex?"
She took him away, had sex with him, and he now knew what sex was.
The kid goes back to his father and tells him what happened.
His father screams, "YOU FUCKED MY MOM!"
The little boy screams back at him "NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL!"
His dad was afraid of this day for a while so he told his son to ask his grandmother.
He goes to his grandmother, who's husband has been gone for a long time now and asks, "Grammy, what is sex?"
She took him away, had sex with him, and he now knew what sex was.
The kid goes back to his father and tells him what happened.
His father screams, "YOU FUCKED MY MOM!"
The little boy screams back at him "NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL!"
Monday, November 16, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
SIDE EFFECTS of working in the IT sector !!
Bhavik
I once went out to the market wearing my Infosys ID card and did not realize till my friend told me why I was wearing it !!!!
Ashok
few days back I slept at 11:30 in the ni8 and woke up in the morning at 7:00 and suddenly thought that I haven't completed 9.15 hours and laughed at myself when I realised abt that.
Jyotsna
One from me too...
Just after our training completion in Mysore Dc and postings to Pune, me and my friends went out for dinner in one of the best restaurants. .
And as I finished.. I started walking towards the Basin with plates in my hand.. :)
Abhijeet
Jus to add...
Once I was on call with my father and mom was not around. I went on to ask, "why is she not attending the status call?"
Anup
I don't login to orkut, yahoo, gmail, youtube, etc.. at my personal internet connection at home... thinking it will be blocked any way.
Till I realize - I am at home.
Rohit
Yeah sometimes it do happens with me also........ ....while writing personal mails also........ .I jus use the way as if I am writing to onsite or some senior person...... ..
Jus forget that we are jus mailing our friends..... .........
And keeping hands in front of tap for waiting water to drop by itself is very frequent with me.......... .....I jus forget that we have to turn on and off the tap......... ..
Nidhi
Awesome!!
Once after talking to one of my friend. I ended the conversation saying ..." Ok bye...in case of any issues will call u back"
(Hilarious!)
Nisha
Sometimes when I mistakenly delete a message
from my mobile, I hope for a second, maybe its in the recycle bin
Farina
I was about to throw my hanky into the bin after drying my hand.
Bhabani
Once I was flashing my ID card instead of unlocking the door with the keys.
Nisha
Kinda a same experience for me too..
I gave my office mail id and pwd to access Gmail and wondered when did they become invalid???
Sandy
I have a experience to share tooo .. I was earlier working at the back office of an international Bank. We used to 'dispatch' lot of Credit / Debit cards and statements for the customers and track its delivery later.
Once my granma was admitted in a hospital, my team mate once casually asked me " howz ur granma doing now ? still in hospital ? " ... and i replied to her " She is better now , she will dispatched from the hospital tomorrow !"
This was followed by a loud laugh in the entire bay !
Sandeep
Once I went to a pharmacy n asked for a tab....pharmacist asked whr I want 250mg r 500mg.....suddenly I replied as 256mg...lol. ...thank god he didn't noticed tht....
Ashwin
Me getting a thought of doing an Alt+Tab while switching from a news channel to the DVD while watching TV.
Vidyarthi
And I - after a forty hour marathon in Bhubaneshwar with Powerbuilder, decided to take a break and went to a movie. In the middle of the movie, when I wanted to check the time, I kept repeatedly glancing at the bottom right corner of the silver screen!
Venu
Few of my friends and myself decided to go out for dinner. The place wasn't fixed yet. I said we shall decide it "run time"
Krishna
When I went to a movie theatre from office directly.. I showed the guy at the entrance my ID card and walked in... he had to call me back asking the ticket...
Rama
One late night when I went home after work, I was trying to flash my id card to open the lock and only after few secs, I realised what i'm trying to do
Sridhar
Once I went to have juice at the local juice vendor and innocuously asked him whether he had a plain 'version' of lemonade.
Arun
Few years back my shogun engine stopped on Bangalore MG Road as the petrol came to reserve. I told my friend I need to restart my bike!
Satya
The other day I was hearing one guy talking of a "Standalone" house.. when he was actually intending a independent house... Poor broker shud have tuff time trying to find a " Alone house standing in a huge empty area... " don't know what interpretations the guy must have made.
I once went out to the market wearing my Infosys ID card and did not realize till my friend told me why I was wearing it !!!!
Ashok
few days back I slept at 11:30 in the ni8 and woke up in the morning at 7:00 and suddenly thought that I haven't completed 9.15 hours and laughed at myself when I realised abt that.
Jyotsna
One from me too...
Just after our training completion in Mysore Dc and postings to Pune, me and my friends went out for dinner in one of the best restaurants. .
And as I finished.. I started walking towards the Basin with plates in my hand.. :)
Abhijeet
Jus to add...
Once I was on call with my father and mom was not around. I went on to ask, "why is she not attending the status call?"
Anup
I don't login to orkut, yahoo, gmail, youtube, etc.. at my personal internet connection at home... thinking it will be blocked any way.
Till I realize - I am at home.
Rohit
Yeah sometimes it do happens with me also........ ....while writing personal mails also........ .I jus use the way as if I am writing to onsite or some senior person...... ..
Jus forget that we are jus mailing our friends..... .........
And keeping hands in front of tap for waiting water to drop by itself is very frequent with me.......... .....I jus forget that we have to turn on and off the tap......... ..
Nidhi
Awesome!!
Once after talking to one of my friend. I ended the conversation saying ..." Ok bye...in case of any issues will call u back"
(Hilarious!)
Nisha
Sometimes when I mistakenly delete a message
from my mobile, I hope for a second, maybe its in the recycle bin
Farina
I was about to throw my hanky into the bin after drying my hand.
Bhabani
Once I was flashing my ID card instead of unlocking the door with the keys.
Nisha
Kinda a same experience for me too..
I gave my office mail id and pwd to access Gmail and wondered when did they become invalid???
Sandy
I have a experience to share tooo .. I was earlier working at the back office of an international Bank. We used to 'dispatch' lot of Credit / Debit cards and statements for the customers and track its delivery later.
Once my granma was admitted in a hospital, my team mate once casually asked me " howz ur granma doing now ? still in hospital ? " ... and i replied to her " She is better now , she will dispatched from the hospital tomorrow !"
This was followed by a loud laugh in the entire bay !
Sandeep
Once I went to a pharmacy n asked for a tab....pharmacist asked whr I want 250mg r 500mg.....suddenly I replied as 256mg...lol. ...thank god he didn't noticed tht....
Ashwin
Me getting a thought of doing an Alt+Tab while switching from a news channel to the DVD while watching TV.
Vidyarthi
And I - after a forty hour marathon in Bhubaneshwar with Powerbuilder, decided to take a break and went to a movie. In the middle of the movie, when I wanted to check the time, I kept repeatedly glancing at the bottom right corner of the silver screen!
Venu
Few of my friends and myself decided to go out for dinner. The place wasn't fixed yet. I said we shall decide it "run time"
Krishna
When I went to a movie theatre from office directly.. I showed the guy at the entrance my ID card and walked in... he had to call me back asking the ticket...
Rama
One late night when I went home after work, I was trying to flash my id card to open the lock and only after few secs, I realised what i'm trying to do
Sridhar
Once I went to have juice at the local juice vendor and innocuously asked him whether he had a plain 'version' of lemonade.
Arun
Few years back my shogun engine stopped on Bangalore MG Road as the petrol came to reserve. I told my friend I need to restart my bike!
Satya
The other day I was hearing one guy talking of a "Standalone" house.. when he was actually intending a independent house... Poor broker shud have tuff time trying to find a " Alone house standing in a huge empty area... " don't know what interpretations the guy must have made.
A MUST READ FOR EVERY CRICKET FAN. JUST READ IT TILL THE END.
"Nothing bad can happen to us if we're on a plane in India with Sachin Tendulkar on it."
- Hashim Amla, the South African batsman, reassures himself as he boards a flight.
"Sometimes you get so engrossed in watching batsmen like Rahul Dravid and Sachin Tendulkar that you lose focus on your job."
- Yaseer Hameed in pakistani newspaper.
"To Sachin, the man we all want to be"
- Andrew Symonds wrote on an aussie t-shirt he autographed specially for Sachin.
“Beneath the helmet, under that unruly curly hair, inside the cranium, there is something we don't know, something beyond scientific measure. Something that allows him to soar, to roam a territory of sport that, forget us, even those who are gifted enough to play alongside him cannot even fathom. When he goes out to bat, people switch on their TV sets and switch off their lives."
- BBC on Sachin
"Tuzhe pata hai tune kiska catch chhoda hai?"
- Wasim Akram to Abdul Razzaq when the latter dropped Sachin's catch in 2003 WC.
Sachin is a genius. I'm a mere mortal.
- Brian Charles Lara
"We did not lose to a team called India...we lost to a man called Sachin."
- Mark Taylor, during the test match in Chennai (1997)
"The more I see of him the more confused I'm getting to which is his best knock."
- M. L. Jaisimha
"The joy he brings to the millions of his countrymen, the grace with which he handles all the adulation and the expectations and his innate humility - all make for a one-in-a-billion individual,"
- Glen McGrath
"I can be hundred per cent sure that Sachin will not play for a minute longer when he is not enjoying himself. He is still so eager to go out there and play. He will play as long as he feels he can play,"
- Anjali Tendulkar
Question: Who do you think as most important celebrity ?
Shah Rukh Khan: There was a big party where stars from bollywood and cricket were invited. Suddenly, there was a big noise, all wanted to see approaching Amitabh Bachhan. Then Sachin entered the hall and Amitabh was leading the queue to get a grab of the GENIUS!!
- Shah Rukh Khan in an interview.
“India me aap PrimeMinister ko ek Baar Katghare me khada kar sakte hain..Par Sachin Tendulkar par Ungli nahi utha Sakte.. “
- Navjot Singh Sidhu on TV
He can play that leg glance with a walking stick also.
- Waqar Younis
'I Will See God When I Die But Till Then I Will See Sachin'
- A banner in Sharjah
Sachin Tendulkar has often reminded me of a veteran army colonel who has many medals on his chest to show how he has conquered bowlers all over the world. I was bowling to Sachin and he hit me for two fours in a row. One from point and the other in between point and gully. That was the last two balls of the over and the over after that we (SA) took a wicket and during the group meeting i told Jonty (Rhodes) to be alert and i know a way to pin Sachin. And i delivered the first ball of my next over and it was a fuller length delevery outside offstump. And i shouted catch. To my astonishment the ball was hit to the cover boundary. Such was the brilliance of Sachin. His reflex time is the best i have ever seen. Its like 1/20th of a sec. To get his wicket better not prepare. Atleast u wont regret if he hits you for boundaries.
- Allan Donald
On a train from Shimla to Delhi, there was a halt in one of the stations. The train stopped by for few minutes as usual. Sachin was nearing century, batting on 98. The passengers, railway officials, everyone on the train waited for Sachin to complete the century. This Genius can stop time in India!!
- Peter Rebouck - Aussie journalist
"Sachin cannot cheat. He is to cricket what (Mahatma) Gandhiji was to politics. It's clear discrimination. "
- NKP Salve, former Union Minister when Sachin was accused of ball tempering
There are 2 kind of batsmen in the world. One Sachin Tendulkar. Two all the others.
- Andy Flower
"I have seen god, he bats at no.4 for India"
- Mathew Hayden
"Commit all your sins when Sachin is batting. They will go unnoticed coz even the GOD is watching"
- A hoarding in England
NOW THIS ONE IS PROBABLY THE BEST AND MOST CUTEST OF THE LOT
"Even my father's name is Sachin Tendulkar."
- Tendulkar's daughter, Sara, tells her class her father's name after the teacher informs them of a restaurant of the same name in Mumbai.
- Hashim Amla, the South African batsman, reassures himself as he boards a flight.
"Sometimes you get so engrossed in watching batsmen like Rahul Dravid and Sachin Tendulkar that you lose focus on your job."
- Yaseer Hameed in pakistani newspaper.
"To Sachin, the man we all want to be"
- Andrew Symonds wrote on an aussie t-shirt he autographed specially for Sachin.
“Beneath the helmet, under that unruly curly hair, inside the cranium, there is something we don't know, something beyond scientific measure. Something that allows him to soar, to roam a territory of sport that, forget us, even those who are gifted enough to play alongside him cannot even fathom. When he goes out to bat, people switch on their TV sets and switch off their lives."
- BBC on Sachin
"Tuzhe pata hai tune kiska catch chhoda hai?"
- Wasim Akram to Abdul Razzaq when the latter dropped Sachin's catch in 2003 WC.
Sachin is a genius. I'm a mere mortal.
- Brian Charles Lara
"We did not lose to a team called India...we lost to a man called Sachin."
- Mark Taylor, during the test match in Chennai (1997)
"The more I see of him the more confused I'm getting to which is his best knock."
- M. L. Jaisimha
"The joy he brings to the millions of his countrymen, the grace with which he handles all the adulation and the expectations and his innate humility - all make for a one-in-a-billion individual,"
- Glen McGrath
"I can be hundred per cent sure that Sachin will not play for a minute longer when he is not enjoying himself. He is still so eager to go out there and play. He will play as long as he feels he can play,"
- Anjali Tendulkar
Question: Who do you think as most important celebrity ?
Shah Rukh Khan: There was a big party where stars from bollywood and cricket were invited. Suddenly, there was a big noise, all wanted to see approaching Amitabh Bachhan. Then Sachin entered the hall and Amitabh was leading the queue to get a grab of the GENIUS!!
- Shah Rukh Khan in an interview.
“India me aap PrimeMinister ko ek Baar Katghare me khada kar sakte hain..Par Sachin Tendulkar par Ungli nahi utha Sakte.. “
- Navjot Singh Sidhu on TV
He can play that leg glance with a walking stick also.
- Waqar Younis
'I Will See God When I Die But Till Then I Will See Sachin'
- A banner in Sharjah
Sachin Tendulkar has often reminded me of a veteran army colonel who has many medals on his chest to show how he has conquered bowlers all over the world. I was bowling to Sachin and he hit me for two fours in a row. One from point and the other in between point and gully. That was the last two balls of the over and the over after that we (SA) took a wicket and during the group meeting i told Jonty (Rhodes) to be alert and i know a way to pin Sachin. And i delivered the first ball of my next over and it was a fuller length delevery outside offstump. And i shouted catch. To my astonishment the ball was hit to the cover boundary. Such was the brilliance of Sachin. His reflex time is the best i have ever seen. Its like 1/20th of a sec. To get his wicket better not prepare. Atleast u wont regret if he hits you for boundaries.
- Allan Donald
On a train from Shimla to Delhi, there was a halt in one of the stations. The train stopped by for few minutes as usual. Sachin was nearing century, batting on 98. The passengers, railway officials, everyone on the train waited for Sachin to complete the century. This Genius can stop time in India!!
- Peter Rebouck - Aussie journalist
"Sachin cannot cheat. He is to cricket what (Mahatma) Gandhiji was to politics. It's clear discrimination. "
- NKP Salve, former Union Minister when Sachin was accused of ball tempering
There are 2 kind of batsmen in the world. One Sachin Tendulkar. Two all the others.
- Andy Flower
"I have seen god, he bats at no.4 for India"
- Mathew Hayden
"Commit all your sins when Sachin is batting. They will go unnoticed coz even the GOD is watching"
- A hoarding in England
NOW THIS ONE IS PROBABLY THE BEST AND MOST CUTEST OF THE LOT
"Even my father's name is Sachin Tendulkar."
- Tendulkar's daughter, Sara, tells her class her father's name after the teacher informs them of a restaurant of the same name in Mumbai.
Dengue fever remedy - Must read
Dengue Fever Remedy
I would like to share this interesting discovery from a classmate's son who has just recovered from dengue fever. Apparently, his son was in the critical stage at the ICU when his blood platelet count drops to 15 after 15 liters of blood transfusion.
His father was so worried that he seeks another friend's recommendation and his son was saved. He confessed to me that he gave his son raw juice of the papaya leaves. From a platelet count of 45 after 20 liters of blood transfusion, and after drinking the raw papaya leaf juice, his platelet count jumps instantly to 135. Even the doctors and nurses were surprised. After the second day he was discharged. So he asked me to pass this good news around.
Accordingly it is raw papaya leaves, 2pcs just cleaned and pound and squeeze with filter cloth. You will only get one tablespoon per leaf.. So two tablespoon per serving once a day. Do not boil or cook or rinse with hot water, it will loose its strength. Only the leafy part and no stem or sap. It is very bitter and you have to swallow it like "Won Low Kat". But it works.
*Papaya Juice - Cure for Dengue*
You may have heard this elsewhere but if not I am glad to inform you that papaya juice is a natural cure for dengue fever. As dengue fever is rampant now, I think it's good to share this with all.
A friend of mine had dengue last year.. It was a very serious situation for her as her platelet count had dropped to 28,000 after 3 days in hospital and water has started to fill up her lung. She had difficulty in breathing. She was only 32-year old. Doctor says there's no cure for dengue. We just have to wait for her body immune system to build up resistance against dengue and fight its own battle. She already had 2 blood transfusion and all of us were praying very hard as her platelet continued to drop since the first day she was admitted.
Fortunately her mother-in-law heard that papaya juice would help to reduce the fever and got some papaya leaves, pounded them and squeeze the juice out for her. The next day, her platelet count started to increase, her fever subside. We continued to feed her with papaya juice and she recovered after 3 days!!!
Amazing but it's true. It's believed one's body would be overheated when one is down with dengue and that also caused the patient to have fever papaya juice has cooling effect. Thus, it helps to reduce the level of heat in one's body, thus the fever will go away. I found that it's also good when one is having sore throat or suffering from heat.
Please spread the news about this as lately there are many dengue cases. It's great if such natural cure could help to ease the sufferings of dengue patients.
Furthermore it's so easily available.
Blend them and squeeze the juice! It's simple and miraculously effective!!
KEEP SHARING................
Monday, November 2, 2009
Modern Rhyme :)
Jhony Jhony
Yes papa
Pvt company
Yes papa
Any motivation
No papa
Many tention
Yes papa
Do u sleep well
No papa
Boss ki Galiya
Yes papa
Increment
Ha ha ha.....
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
NEW EMPLOYEMENT RULES ......!! :))
SICK DAYS
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to get to the doctor, you are able to come into work.
SURGERY
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider having anything removed. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
HOLIDAYS
Each employee will receive 104 holidays per year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends or relatives. Every effort should be made to have non-employees to attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled for the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch-hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.
ABSENT FOR YOUR OWN DEATH
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice to allow time for you to train your own replacement.
TOILET USE
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance: All employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8.00 to 8.20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8.20 to 8.40 and so on. If you are unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both workers' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing.
In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the toilets. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper will retract, and the door will open.
LUNCH BREAK
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slimfast and take a diet pill.
DRESS CODE
It is advised that you must come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing designer clothing we will assume that you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a payrise.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a nice day
The Management
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to get to the doctor, you are able to come into work.
SURGERY
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider having anything removed. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
HOLIDAYS
Each employee will receive 104 holidays per year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends or relatives. Every effort should be made to have non-employees to attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled for the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch-hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.
ABSENT FOR YOUR OWN DEATH
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice to allow time for you to train your own replacement.
TOILET USE
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance: All employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8.00 to 8.20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8.20 to 8.40 and so on. If you are unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both workers' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing.
In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the toilets. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper will retract, and the door will open.
LUNCH BREAK
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slimfast and take a diet pill.
DRESS CODE
It is advised that you must come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing designer clothing we will assume that you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a payrise.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a nice day
The Management
Monday, October 26, 2009
After the first night....!!!
A young man gets married. After the first night, his friends ask him,
'Hey, how was the night bhai? Somehow you look slightly worried.'
Replied young man 'Oh, everything went fine and I had a very nice time. But at the end, out of habit I gave her Rs.1000!'
'Forget it man, anyway she is your wife and money will be with you only', consoled friends.
'Yeah, that is true. But what worried me is the fact that she immediately returned Rs.200!'
'Hey, how was the night bhai? Somehow you look slightly worried.'
Replied young man 'Oh, everything went fine and I had a very nice time. But at the end, out of habit I gave her Rs.1000!'
'Forget it man, anyway she is your wife and money will be with you only', consoled friends.
'Yeah, that is true. But what worried me is the fact that she immediately returned Rs.200!'
Please read carefully: A case of kiss and slap
Mussharaf, Manmohan, Aishwarya Rai and Sonia are traveling in a train. The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and
then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. The women and Manmohan are sitting there looking perplexed. Musharaf is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything. Sonia is thinking:These Americans are all crazy after Aishwarya. Musharaf must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him. Aishwarya is thinking:Musharaf must have tried to kiss me but kissed Sonia instead and got slapped. Musharaf is thinking:Damn it. Manmohan must have tried to kiss Aishwarya. She might have thought it was me and
slapped me.
Manmohan is thinking:If this train goes through another tunnel I will make another kissing sound and slap Musharaf again.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Indian Business Strategy
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C. One from Bangladesh, another from India and the third, from China.
They go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The Bangladesh contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".
The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team and $100 profit for me)".
The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure!
The Indian contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from China to fix the fence."
"Done!" replies the government official.
They go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The Bangladesh contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".
The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team and $100 profit for me)".
The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure!
The Indian contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from China to fix the fence."
"Done!" replies the government official.
फ्लाईओवर
निम्नलिखित लेख उस छात्र की कॉपी से लिया गया है, जिसे निबंध लेखन प्रतियोगिता में पहला पुरस्कार मिला है। निबध का विषय था - फ्लाईओवर।
फ्लाईओवर का जीवन में बहुत महत्व है, खास तौर पर इंजीनियरों और ठेकेदारों के जीवन में तो घणा ही महत्व है। एक फ्लाईओवर से न जाने कितनी कोठियां निकल आती हैं। पश्चिम जगत के इंजीनियर भले ही इसे न समझें कि भारत में यह कमाल होता है कि पुल से कोठियां निकल आती हैं और फ्लाईओवर से फार्महाउस।
खैर, फ्लाईओवर से हमें जीवन के कई पाठ मिलते हैं, जैसे बंदा कई बार घुमावदार फ्लाईओवर पर चले, तो पता चलता है कि जहां से शुरुआत की थी, वहीं पर पहुंच गए हैं। उदाहरण के लिए ऑल इंडिया इंस्टिट्यूट ऑफ मेडिकल साइंसेज के पास के फ्लाईओवर में बंदा कई बार जहां से शुरू करे, वहीं पहुंच जाता है। वैसे, यह लाइफ का सत्य है, कई बार बरसों चलते -चलते यह पता चलता है कि कहीं पहुंचे ही नहीं।
फ्लाईओवर जब नए-नए बनते हैं, तो एकाध महीने ट्रैफिक स्मूद रहता है, फिर वही हाल हो लेता है। जैसे आश्रम में अब फ्लाईओवर पर जाम लगता है, यानी अब फ्लाईओवर पर फ्लाईओवर की जरूरत है। फिर उस फ्लाईओवर के फ्लाईओवर के फ्लाईओवर पर भी फ्लाईओवर चाहिए होगा। हो सकता है कि कुछ समय बाद फ्लाईओवर अथॉरिटी ऑफ इंडिया ही बन जाए। इसमें कुछ और अफसरों की पोस्टिंग का जुगाड़ हो जाएगा। तब हम कह सकेंगे कि फ्लाईओवरों का अफसरों के जीवन में भी घणा महत्व है।
दिल्ली में इन दिनों फ्लाईओवरों की धूम है। इधर से फ्लाईओवर, उधर से फ्लाईओवर। फ्लाईओवर बनने के चक्कर में विकट जाम हो रहे हैं। दिल्ली गाजियाबाद अप्सरा बॉर्डर के जाम में फंसकर धैर्य और संयम जैसे गुणों का विकास हो जाता है, ऑटोमैटिक। व्यग्र और उग्र लोगों का एक ट्रीटमेंट यह है कि उन्हें अप्सरा बॉर्डर के जाम में छोड़ दिया जाए।
फ्लाईओवर बनने से पहले जाम फ्लाईओवर के नीचे लगते हैं, फिर फ्लाईओवर बनने के बाद जाम ऊपर लगने शुरू हो जाते हैं। इससे हमें भौतिकी के उस नियम का पता चलता है कि कहीं कुछ नहीं बदलता, फ्लाईओवर का उद्देश्य इतना भर रहता है कि वह जाम को नीचे से ऊपर की ओर ले आता है, ताकि नीचे वाले जाम के लिए रास्ता प्रशस्त किया जा सके।
फ्लाईओवरों का भविष्य उज्जवल है। कुछ समय बाद यह सीन होगा कि जैसे डबल डेकर बस होती है, वैसे डबल डेकर फ्लाईओवर भी होंगे। डबल ही क्यों, ट्रिपल, फाइव डेकर फ्लाईओवर भी हो सकते हैं। दिल्ली वाले तब अपना एड्रेस यूं बताएंगे - आश्रम के पांचवें लेवल के फ्लाईओवर के ठीक सामने जो फ्लैट पड़ता है, वो मेरा है। कभी जाम में फंस जाएं, तो कॉल कर देना, डोरी में टांग कर चाय लटका दूंगा। संवाद कुछ इस तरह के होंगे - अबे कहां रहता है आजकल रोज अपने फ्लैट से पांचवें लेवल का जाम देखता हूं, तेरी कार नहीं दिखती। सामने वाला बताएगा - आजकल मैं चौथे लेवल के फ्लाईओवर में फंसता हूं। अबे पांचवें लेवल के जाम में फंसा कर, वहां हवा अच्छी लगती है। अबे, ले मैं तेरे ऊपर ही था, पांचवें वाले लेवल पर और तू चौथे लेवल पर, कॉल कर देता, तो झांककर बात कर लेता। आने वाले टाइम में दिल्ली वाले अपने मेहमानों को फाइव डेकर जाम दिखाने लाएंगे।
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