This lady is having a bed wetting problem, so she decides to go to the doctor. The doctor tells her to go and get undressed and wait for him in the other room.
When the doctor goes into the room he tells the lady to stand on her head facing the mirror. She figures he is a doctor and gets in front of the mirror. The doctor goes over to the lady and rests his chin between her legs and looks in the mirror.
After a few minutes he stands up and tells the lady to go ahead and put her clothes back on and he will talk to her when she is dressed. The lady puts her clothes on and asks the doctor what is wrong with her.
He tells her that she needs to quit drinking before she goes to bed. The lady asks the doctor why he had her get naked in front of the mirror and stand on her head.
He replies, "I wanted to see how I would look with a beard."
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
Man's Viagra ( Hot Joke )
This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, "I'll be home in an hour."
"Perfect," she replies.
The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He takes the Viagra and waits.
An hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no wife . . .
She calls him on the phone and she says, "Traffic is terrible. I won't be there for about an hour and a half."
The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice. "What should I do?" he asks.
The Doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have a housekeeper around?"
"Yes" the man replied.
"Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?" said the Doctor.
The man then replied with dismay...
"But I don't need Viagra with the housekeeper. .."
"Perfect," she replies.
The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He takes the Viagra and waits.
An hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no wife . . .
She calls him on the phone and she says, "Traffic is terrible. I won't be there for about an hour and a half."
The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice. "What should I do?" he asks.
The Doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have a housekeeper around?"
"Yes" the man replied.
"Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?" said the Doctor.
The man then replied with dismay...
"But I don't need Viagra with the housekeeper. .."
Easy to remain young.Twist your knob
A woman visited a plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,'
Where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift.
Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.' Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant. After fifteen
Years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results.
But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.' The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those
Are your breasts.' She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee.
Where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift.
Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.' Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant. After fifteen
Years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results.
But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.' The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those
Are your breasts.' She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
( Naughty Jokes ) Bug Spray
A salesman was traveling through the country side, flogging insect repellent. He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer.
"Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again. I guarantee it."
The farmer was dubious.
"Young man, I'll make you a proposition. I'll tie you out in my cornfield buck naked, covered with that bug spray. If there is not a single bite on you come morning, I'll buy a whole case from you. And get everyone in the county to buy a case......we will make you rich.
The salesman was delighted.
They went to the field and he stripped. The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake. Back to the house went the farmer. The next morning, the farmer and his family trooped out to the cornfield. Sure enough, the salesman was there, hanging in his bonds, not a single bite on him. Yet he was a total wreck!
Pale, ghastly, haggard, and drawn, but not one bite on him. The farmer was perplexed.
"Son," he said, "Now, you don't have a bite on you but you look like hell! What the devil happened?" The salesman looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked,
"Doesn't that calf have a mother?
"Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again. I guarantee it."
The farmer was dubious.
"Young man, I'll make you a proposition. I'll tie you out in my cornfield buck naked, covered with that bug spray. If there is not a single bite on you come morning, I'll buy a whole case from you. And get everyone in the county to buy a case......we will make you rich.
The salesman was delighted.
They went to the field and he stripped. The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake. Back to the house went the farmer. The next morning, the farmer and his family trooped out to the cornfield. Sure enough, the salesman was there, hanging in his bonds, not a single bite on him. Yet he was a total wreck!
Pale, ghastly, haggard, and drawn, but not one bite on him. The farmer was perplexed.
"Son," he said, "Now, you don't have a bite on you but you look like hell! What the devil happened?" The salesman looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked,
"Doesn't that calf have a mother?
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Learn to Shut up! ( Naughty Joke )
TWENTY DOLLARS
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate down sizing, and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another job.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly$1 million.
Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million.
She explained that she had 'charged' him for sex, and these were the results of her savings and investments.
The husband was so astounded he could barely speak. Finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have had sex only with you.'
That's when she shot him.
You know, that's what happens when you don't know when to keep your mouth shut...!!
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate down sizing, and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another job.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly$1 million.
Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million.
She explained that she had 'charged' him for sex, and these were the results of her savings and investments.
The husband was so astounded he could barely speak. Finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have had sex only with you.'
That's when she shot him.
You know, that's what happens when you don't know when to keep your mouth shut...!!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Sexy Secretary!
Two law partners hire a sexy, young secretary, and though they're both already married, they agree to see who can score with her first.
Eventually, one of them scores with her, and his partner is quite eager to hear how things went.
"So, what did you think?" asks the partner.
"Ah," replies the first partner, "my wife is better."
Some time goes by, and then the second lawyer goes to bed with the young secretary.
"So," asks the first partner, "what did you think?"
The second partner replies, "You're right... Your wife is better."
Eventually, one of them scores with her, and his partner is quite eager to hear how things went.
"So, what did you think?" asks the partner.
"Ah," replies the first partner, "my wife is better."
Some time goes by, and then the second lawyer goes to bed with the young secretary.
"So," asks the first partner, "what did you think?"
The second partner replies, "You're right... Your wife is better."
What is Sex?
A kid goes up to his father and asks, "Dad what is sex?"
His dad was afraid of this day for a while so he told his son to ask his grandmother.
He goes to his grandmother, who's husband has been gone for a long time now and asks, "Grammy, what is sex?"
She took him away, had sex with him, and he now knew what sex was.
The kid goes back to his father and tells him what happened.
His father screams, "YOU FUCKED MY MOM!"
The little boy screams back at him "NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL!"
His dad was afraid of this day for a while so he told his son to ask his grandmother.
He goes to his grandmother, who's husband has been gone for a long time now and asks, "Grammy, what is sex?"
She took him away, had sex with him, and he now knew what sex was.
The kid goes back to his father and tells him what happened.
His father screams, "YOU FUCKED MY MOM!"
The little boy screams back at him "NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL!"
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