The Honeymoon

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love.

When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.

The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods. to find out what the par is for this damn hole."

Nice message

"I can't follow you everywhere..."

"Avoid using mobile while driving..."

FACTS OF LIFE

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them
while driving.

[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a
referee.

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always
right and the other is the husband!

[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried -
but they wanted cash.

[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after
you've purchased new school uniforms.

[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the
one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll
regret it later.

[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before
you get tired.

[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or
she'll take it anyway.

[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and
she agrees with me.

[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to
others.

[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.

[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things
more than doing them.

[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his
job, he still ends up with the same boss.

[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between
address books.

[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents
have done it for you.

[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools
talk because they have to say something

[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the
father seldom gets to speak!

[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.

[23] Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a
formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the
fight begins!

[24] Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we
do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

[25] It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs
Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better
than being murdered.

[26] There is only one perfect child in the world and every
mother has it.

[27] There is only one perfect wife in the world and every
neighbour has it.

english skills!!!

This is a true story from the Japanese Embassy in US!!!
few days ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some Basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets president Barack Obama...

The instructor told Mori Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Obama, please say 'how r u'.
Then Mr. Obama should say, 'I am fine, and you?' Now, you should say 'me too'. Afterwards we, translators, will do the work for you.'

It looks quite simple, but the truth is...

When Mori met Obama, he mistakenly said 'who r u?' (Instead of 'How r u?'..)

Mr. Obama was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor:
'Well, I'm Michelle's husband, ha-ha...'

Then Mori replied 'me too, ha-ha....

Then there was a long silence in the meeting room.

Haahhhahaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!