moan sex

Shane comes home and finds his wife Rita crying.

She says, "I found out from Mrs. Smith that you're having an affair with your secretary. Why would you do that to me? I've always been a good wife...I've cooked for you, raised your children, and I've always been by your side for twenty years. What haven't I done to make you happy?"

Shane says, "It's true, you've been the best wife a man could hope for. You make me happy in all ways but one. You never moan when we have sex."

Rita says, "If I moaned when we have sex, you'd stop running around? All right, come to the bedroom so I can show you that I can moan during sex."

They go to the bedroom, get undressed, and climb in bed. As they start kissing, she says, "Now, Shane? Should I moan now?"

He says, "No, not yet."

He starts fondling her, and she says, "What about now? Should I moan now?"

He says, "No, I'll tell you when."

He climbs on top of her and starts banging her.

She says, "Is it time for me to moan now,?" He says, "Wait, wait...I'll tell you when."

A few minutes later, just seconds before he's going to climax, he says, "Now, Moan. Moan..."

She says, "Oye, you wouldn't believe what a day I had..."

WHY ARE INDIANS EASY TO IDENTIFY

Indians are like this.... only so true, so very
true..........

1. Everything you eat is savored in garlic, onion and
tomatoes.

2.. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of
course aluminum foil.

3.. You are always standing next to the two largest size
suitcases at the Airport.

4. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think
it's normal.

5. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service
missed to stamp.

6. You recycle Wedding Gifts, Birthday Gifts and
Anniversary Gifts.

7. You name your children in rhythms (example, Sita &
Gita, Ram & Shyam, Kamini & Shamini..)

8. All your children
have pet names, which sound nowhere,
close to their real names.

9. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says 'No Food
Allowed.'

10. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving
someone's house.

11.. You load up the family car with as many people as
possible.

12. HIGH PRIORITY ***** You use plastic to cover anything
new in your house
whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new
couch. *****

13. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends
think, but they won't let you do certain things because
of what the other 'Uncles and Aunties' will think..

14. You buy and display crockery, which is never used, as
it is for special occasions, which never happen.

15. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.

16.. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.

17. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many
numbers of bowls as possible.

18. Your kitchen shelf is full
of jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils (got free
with purchase of other stuff)

19. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel
(and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).

20. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.

21. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

22. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old.
(And they prefer it that way).

23. You don't use measuring cups when cooking.

24. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.

25.. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to
see you off or receive you whether you are traveling by bus,
train or plane.

26. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest
in knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel
proud to spread it at the velocity of more than the speed of
light.

27. You only make long distance calls after 11p.m.

28. If you don't live at home, when your
parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if
it's midnight.

29. You call an older person you never met before Uncle or
Aunty.

30. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few
minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant
cousin.

31. Your parents don't realize phone connections to
foreign
countries have improved in the last two decades, and still
scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.

32.. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them
from getting dirty.

33. Its embarrassing if you're wedding has less than
600 people.

34. All your Tupperware is stained with food color.

35. You have drinking glasses made of steel.

36. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping.


I STILL LOVE TO BE AN INDIAN ...hum to esse hii hai
bhaiyaa!!!!!!!!!!:)

FACTS OF LIFE

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them
while driving.

[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a
referee.

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always
right and the other is the husband!

[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried -
but they wanted cash.

[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after
you've purchased new school uniforms.

[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the
one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll
regret it later.

[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before
you get tired.

[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or
she'll take it anyway.

[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and
she agrees with me.

[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to
others.

[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.

[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things
more than doing them.

[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his
job, he still ends up with the same boss.

[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between
address books.

[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents
have done it for you.

[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools
talk because they have to say something

[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the
father seldom gets to speak!

[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.

[23] Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a
formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the
fight begins!

[24] Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we
do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

[25] It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs
Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better
than being murdered.

[26] There is only one perfect child in the world and every
mother has it.

[27] There is only one perfect wife in the world and every
neighbour has it.

Punjabi khoon vich hundi hai....

Dedicated to all the Punjabi's…rest all just enjoy…… ;)

Ek baar ek bihari bhaiya sardar ke paas aata hai aur kahta hai ki babu ji punjabi sikhni hai...

Sardar hansa aur kahta hai ki tu nahi seekh sakta punjabi, punjabi taa khoon wich hundi hai...

Bihar agle din phir sardar ke paas pahunch jata hai aur kahta hai ki babu ji , punjabi sikhni hai,

sardar phir usko kahta hai ki eh nahi ho sakda, punjabi khoon wich hundi hai....

teesray din phir bhaiye ke andar ungli hoti hai aur woh phir chala jaata hai sardar ke paas ki punjabi sikhni hai,

sardar kahta hai ki bhaiya ji, punjabi khoon wich hundi hai, agar itne ungli ho rahi hai to aao sikha deta hu punjabi..

puray ek mahine traininng chalti hai..

bhaiya pure dil ke saath punjabi sikhta hai...

end mai aati hai imtehaan ki ghadi, sardar kahta hai ki aaj agal tu imtihaan paas kar gaya to aa gai tainu punjabi .....

woh ek table pe pani ka gilas giraata hai aur bolta hai ki isko punjabi mai kya bolega ...

Bhaiya : eh paani kinne sutiya ????

sardar kahta hai ki galat hai, second chance

bhaiya : eh glaas kinne doliya ???

sardar phir kahta hai galat, last chance

bhaiya :eh paani kinne doliya hai??

sardar kahta hai o chhad yaar...

sardar apne chhote ladke ko bulata hai aur table dikhata hua kahta hai : oye chhotu idhar aa, aa dekh ..

chhotu table par paani pada hua dekh ke kahta hai : bhainchod, Eh maa kinne chudai hai ???

Sardar bhaiye ko kahta hai -- maine pahle hi bola tha ki punjabi khoon wich hundi hai...

Loving Husband !!

The Loving Husband

A man had two of the best tickets for the FA Cup final.

As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting
in the seat next to him.

"No", he says, "the seat is empty."

"This is incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind
would
have a Seat like this for the FA Cup Final, the biggest sporting event
of the year, and not use it?"

He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed
to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Cup Final we
haven't been together since we got married."

"Oh .... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you
couldn't
find someone else, a friend or relative or even a neighbour to take the
seat?"


The man shakes his head sadly and replies.












"No. They're all at the funeral."

A farmer has three sons -- Joke

A farmer has three sons.

One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads with him
that he is graduating from school and would really like
to get a car.

His father says, "Son, come with me."

He takes him to the barn and points to the farm tractor
and says, "That tractor is needed here on the farm and
I promise that as soon as it's paid for, we'll get you
a car."

The boy was not too happy but he did understand that
situation and said, "Okay, Dad."

A week later, his second son (10 years old) approaches
him wanting a new two-wheel bicycle.

Well, he gets the same excuse. "as soon as that tractor
is paid for."

Shortly, a few days later, son number 3, his youngest,
comes bugging him for a tricycle.

Again, ol' Dad gives him the lecture about the tractor
being paid for first.

While leaving the barn, the young boy, more than a
little disgusted with the whole thing, sees a rooster
mating with one of the hens and promptly goes over and
kicks the rooster smooth off the hen's back, mumbling
to himself the whole time.

His dad says, "Son, why on earth would you do something
like that? He didn't do anything to you to deserve that!"

The little boy looks his Dad right square in the eye and
says, "Hey, nobody rides anything around here until that
damn tractor is paid for!"

TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HANDS OFF

One night a guy dropped his girlfriend at her home.



As they were about to wish each other good night at the front door, the
guy started feeling a little more romantic. With an air of confidence,
he leaned with his hand against the wall and smiling, he said to her
"Honey, would you give me a kiss ?"


Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"


" Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
He asked grinning at her.


" No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"


"Oh come on!


There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!".


" No way, it's just too risky!"


"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?".


" No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!".


"Oh yes you can. Please?"


" No, no. I just can't" " I'm begging you ... "


Suddenly.....Out of the blue, the light on the stairs went on, and


The girl's elder sister showed up in her pajamas, hair dishevelled, And
in a sleepy voice she said,


" Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss, or I can do it. Or if
needed, mom says she can come down herself and do it, but for God's sake
....

"TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HAND OFF THE DOOR BELL.........."

CHILDREN'S INNOCENCE

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind.

'That's a serious step,' he said. 'Have you thought it out completely?'

'Yes,' his young son answered. 'We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark.'
'How about transportation? ' the father asked.

'I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles,' the little boy answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.

Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, 'What about babies? When you're
married, you're liable to have babies, you know.'

'We've thought about that, too,' the little boy replied. 'We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!'

CHILDREN'S INNOCENCE

TOO SWEET FOR WORDS!!!

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind.

'That's a serious step,' he said. 'Have you thought it out completely?'

'Yes,' his young son answered. 'We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark.'
'How about transportation? ' the father asked.

'I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles,' the little boy answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.

Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, 'What about babies? When you're
married, you're liable to have babies, you know.'

'We've thought about that, too,' the little boy replied. 'We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!'